Friday, August 27, 2010

Brutally honest.


I was determined to make a proper meal for my tots this evening...that was the plan... I even declared it in my blog. I set an intention.

Why do intentions have a way of getting derailed? Today has been one of those days. Tot A refused to get dressed and that hour long fight cost us a trip to the grocery store to get real ingredients for a real meal. Tot B refused to leave the library (I had to return books before my trip) that cost us a trip to the park. We ended up going out for lunch because as I had planned to run my errands, take them to the park and grocery shop all before noon we had only completed one of the errands before 1pm. So getting home at 2 pm I decided to sew and finish prepping for my big sale at our local Fall Fair, what should have taken a couple hours of uninterrupted work (I know silly me) is still not done. Thanks to the mother of all fights between Tot A and I (Tot B just went along for the ride) we did not eat until 6:30.

This bring to the the bulk of my post. As a mother I am completely saddened by my daughter, I love her, I gave birth to her but (and maybe I am projecting) I can see us in the future. She is so willful, pressing my buttons, pressing her brother's, mostly she is a daddy's girl but he is away often and thus her acting out is directed towards me. I use to think I was a cool parent, pretty lax, communicative, I didn't ask much of them and give them free reign but lately little things are escalating into terse tense situations that I don't know how to control. I am starting to sound like one of those mothers.

I have tried positive re-enforcement and praise, leading by example, empowerment, making light of situations, joking about them but of late I am turning to discipline and anger. I DO NOT LIKE IT. It has always been hard with them but for the most part I had it under control. Even if I was having a tough day (and I had my fair share) I was there for them but now I feel like I am taking it out on them.

I am so sad I am feeling this way. I feel so bad because I am the adult and I know better....

I did pull off dinner, even if it was late... I had some gorgeous free run eggs from a friend and I have been dying to use them. We had scrambled eggs...

eggs by marisa's chickens
photo by me.

8 comments:

  1. I hate days like that :( Sometimes us moms have to yell, I'm convinced of it :) Otherwise we'd explode, right?? fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day!

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  2. Thanks Andrea... I am still just done.... I had to blog about it... get it off my chest..

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  3. Those days are NOT easy. So sorry you had one. I hope it helped to share :)

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  4. It did help to share and my daughter, probably as exhausted as I was from fighting, was much better the next day.

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  5. Megan, thanks for following my blog! How did you find it? Well, no matter how you found it, I'm glad you did. I've really enjoyed reading your posts and your bio and I just have to say that, WOW, we've got a lot in common! I have to admit that I smiled to myself while reading this post. Sometimes my older son (3) just drives me nuts! I have to tell him so or I think I'd actually go crazy and do something worse. On a funny side note it was Dara, our friendly "Cookin Canuck", that taught me the best and most effective techniques I've ever learn for disciplining and teaching appropriate behavior =).

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  6. @thank you Amy, I really enjoyed your site too and will be visiting it more often... "Cookin Canuck" may have to share more than her recipes and money saving tips by branching out to family survival techniques.

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  7. we all have those days.......and they break us, and then we have the days that mend us. My last 2 weeks I have been broken to the point of simple and straight forward mean mummy...3 months without hubs, hot as hell summer in a new place with no play dates and 3 children 24/7 with a puppy to train will do that...but they know I love them, I know I love them and we are just learning how to get along. I once read that parenthood is hard not only because it is taxing but because we cannot choose who we parent. Hang in there darling, who ever looks on an angry mother and casts judgement is hiding behind a mask of lies....

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  8. .."we cannot choose who we parent". Thank you @Housewifebliss.

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