I was determined to make a proper meal for my tots this evening...that was the plan... I even declared it in my blog. I set an intention.
Why do intentions have a way of getting derailed? Today has been one of those days. Tot A refused to get dressed and that hour long fight cost us a trip to the grocery store to get real ingredients for a real meal. Tot B refused to leave the library (I had to return books before my trip) that cost us a trip to the park. We ended up going out for lunch because as I had planned to run my errands, take them to the park and grocery shop all before noon we had only completed one of the errands before 1pm. So getting home at 2 pm I decided to sew and finish prepping for my big sale at our local Fall Fair, what should have taken a couple hours of uninterrupted work (I know silly me) is still not done. Thanks to the mother of all fights between Tot A and I (Tot B just went along for the ride) we did not eat until 6:30.
This bring to the the bulk of my post. As a mother I am completely saddened by my daughter, I love her, I gave birth to her but (and maybe I am projecting) I can see us in the future. She is so willful, pressing my buttons, pressing her brother's, mostly she is a daddy's girl but he is away often and thus her acting out is directed towards me. I use to think I was a cool parent, pretty lax, communicative, I didn't ask much of them and give them free reign but lately little things are escalating into terse tense situations that I don't know how to control. I am starting to sound like one of those mothers.
I have tried positive re-enforcement and praise, leading by example, empowerment, making light of situations, joking about them but of late I am turning to discipline and anger. I DO NOT LIKE IT. It has always been hard with them but for the most part I had it under control. Even if I was having a tough day (and I had my fair share) I was there for them but now I feel like I am taking it out on them.
I am so sad I am feeling this way. I feel so bad because I am the adult and I know better....
I did pull off dinner, even if it was late... I had some gorgeous free run eggs from a friend and I have been dying to use them. We had scrambled eggs...
eggs by marisa's chickens
photo by me.